April 2024
Tradition 4
by Milton H
Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al‑Anon or AA as a whole.
Family decisions, for so many years, were dictated based on the behavior of the alcoholic. The decisions were often good for only one part of the group. It didn’t matter if we attended the event or not, the outcome was seldom good for everyone.
The longer I practice the Tradition the easier it is to identify decisions leading to solutions that are more often good for everyone. One key for working my program is to consider one question from Paths to Recovery, p. 173, Question: “How am I taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts?” For me, one of the answers is recognizing that I have choices. I never even knew that such an outcome was possible.
In years past, I would be invited to attend parties with work peers and management. These were fun events with great opportunities for networking. My career was blossoming. As my spouse’s alcoholism progressed, these events ceased to be fun, and worse, the networking yielded negative outcomes rather than positive opportunities. I stopped accepting invitations, as I perceived not attending to be less detrimental than attending. It never once crossed my mind that I might be able to attend events by myself. By then, I was so wrapped up in the behaviors of the alcoholic that I couldn’t possibly leave them alone without oversight for long enough to do anything that might contribute positively to my career much less happiness for my life.
Today, as I make decisions, I consult with my partner. Her opinion matters and without her input I cannot make any decisions that have a chance to be for the good of all. I opted to travel to visit my brother and have a vacation by myself. The last activities I completed before getting on the plane were to accomplish tasks to make my wife's life easier and more comfortable while I was available.
As the result of practicing the 4th Tradition, I was able to maintain my autonomy, choosing to take my own vacation, while taking action resulting in a positive experience for all members of the group.
Photo by Milton H
Inviting Resentment
by Desi D
How often have you invited a resentment by setting an expectation in your own mind without sharing those expectations with the other party or parties involved?
Courage to Change, p. 153, June 1, “A longtime member says, ‘An expectation is a premeditated resentment.’ I take this statement to suggest that when I have a resentment I can look to my expectations for a probable source.”
Recently, when coordinating the time for an activity, once a time was established, one of the participants informed me that if I was 2 minutes late, they would begin fostering a resentment.
My immediate reaction was to take that as a challenge, to see how close I could arrive to the specified resentment time. I let them know that I was willing to take up the challenge. Will this individual actually wait for the specified 2 minutes before beginning to foster the resentment, or will they begin fostering immediately following the agreed time? Perhaps they have already begun to foster the resentment? Is it worth the risk to my serenity to discover the answer to this pondering?
As I continued to consider the situation and the statement, it dawned on me that perhaps I was looking at it all wrong. Was this a classic case of the individual voicing a desire for a different agreement without expressing the actual desired outcome? Was it possible that what they really wanted was to establish a time different than previously agreed upon? If so, were they really asking to meet 5 minutes earlier?
So, as I reflected upon these two potential ways to interpret the resentment suggestion, it seemed clear to me that there was nothing to be gained by taking up the ‘challenge’ to be 2 minutes (or more) late, yet there was something to lose. Serenity, faith, and respect all come to mind, both theirs and mine. Whereas, arriving 5 minutes earlier had no downside, and the potential to support the individual maintaining their own serenity, while avoiding any potential resentment.
Photo by Clif H
Step Four
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
The Valentines Gift
by Clif H
Years ago in a meeting I heard a fellow member talking about a sense of serenity that came along as the result of performing service for a member of their family. Earlier this year, I had a similar experience.
In my case, I was back in my hometown assisting my elderly parents following an event that resulted in one parent ending up in a rehabilitation center for a period of a couple of weeks. One day, my brother had spent the morning at home with my mother and me; he had returned to his home in town, having indicated that he would be “right back.” Nearly 3 hours later, he returned and by then I was already on edge because his idea of being right back and mine were obviously not in alignment. You know, he failed to meet my expectations. Then, with all the gall I perceived that he could muster, he “told me” to go to the store to buy valentines cards for my parents from one another. At that point, my serenity was really gone!
My initial mental reaction was to react based on my irritation. Fortunately, my program has retrained my brain to pause, think, then respond. While I was thinking, my brother irritated me further by telling me that the store is ‘just across the street.” While that is true, my thoughts revolved around the obvious: if it’s that easy and as long as you were away, why didn’t YOU take care of it?
More program thoughts rolled on through our slogan, “How important is it?” Was it worth it to me to tell my brother what I thought of him telling me what to do? Was it worth the conflict to let him know that HE could drive over and get them himself? NO, it was not. I ultimately responded, “Great idea, thanks for sharing the thought.” Because, it actually was a great idea to facilitate having my parents share Valentines cards for the 68th year in a row.
As I handed each parent the card to sign for the other, and again when I handed the signed cards to each parent, I reflected on my friend's story. Indeed, I was being of service to my parents. My serenity had been restored. Service to others when there is no personal gain involved comes with a unique satisfaction.
From the Mailbag
Dear Editor, What is the most frequently asked question you have received since the transition to the new website?
Thank you for asking. To my surprise, that question has been “How do I sign up to receive the monthly BITS newsletter email notification. Ok, that is a paraphrase capturing the many versions received. It turns out that the link has been more difficult to locate than it was on the prior site. During the transition, we made a number of strategic changes to the site and to the newsletter. This one boils down to excess streamlining and color transformation. As the result of the feedback, the website has been updated to use an enhanced color block around the sign-up link on the main page, an additional link location has been included on the first page of the BITS itself, and there is a link near the bottom of the Literature page. Look for a color box that reads like the one below, insert your email address, and hit the Sign Up button.
Tradition Four
Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.
Need a Free Newcomer Packet?
Anyone local to Seattle who is a newcomer and wants an individual newcomer packet (or in Spanish, too!), please submit your request via the New To Al-Anon page, or send an email to outreach@seattle-al-anon.org with the name and mailing address.
Has Your Meeting Changed?
Gone back to meeting in person
Become hybrid or concurrent
Has a new physical location
Made other changes that members need to know about
Has an alternate Holiday Schedule
Has disbanded
Please submit all meeting changes to the WA Area Group Records Coordinator by using the form at https://wa-al-anon.org/meeting-changes/
Changes and Updates are made Weekly.
(Seattle AIS is automatically cc'd in the change request)
If you have any questions or concerns regarding the Seattle AIS updated meeting schedule, please contact meetingdirectoryeditor@seattle-al-anon.org
2024 Washington Area Event Schedule
PRE-CON: April 5-6
ASTAR: April 12-14
SSA: May 17-19
WAAC: July 19-21
AWSC: August 3
FALL ASSEMBLY: October 4
Requesting Phone Volunteers
Contact the Phones Coordinator
Phones@seattle-al-anon.org or call/text 206-625-0000
Concept of the Month
by Allen L
Concept Four
Participation is the key to harmony.
As a part of any discussion at my home group, we make it a point to ask if the minority opinion has been heard. This practice ensures that everyone has the opportunity to participate in the discussion, especially when they might have a different opinion than the majority.
Often newer Al-Anon’s have been so unheard in the alcoholic situation that they are afraid to speak openly. This can lead to an unacknowledged resentment and a feeling of being outside the group.
I can’t count the number of times I have watched a new member seem to blossom with the new found freedom to participate fully at meetings and in their individual relationships with other members.
I often refer to the Al-Anon program as “insidious.” Without my attention it insinuates itself into my daily life. The same practice that promotes harmony in our groups provides the same improvements in my family and work relationships.
When I participate fully at home and at work, I harbor fewer resentments and my relationships improve. When I create the conditions in which people in my family and at work have the freedom to participate, they have fewer resentments leading to better relationships for all.
The more fully I embrace this Concept the better my life gets.
Concept Four
Participation is the key to harmony.
AIS Council Meeting
The next Council meeting is Thursday, April 11, 2024, 7:30-9:00 pm. Check the AIS website calendar (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events) for the zoom link.
AIS Board Meeting
Thursday, April 18th, 2024 at 7:00-8:30 pm. Check the AIS website calendar (https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/events) for the zoom link.
2024 Board Meeting Schedule
April 18 7:00 - 8:30 PM
July 18 7:00 - 8:30 PM
October 17 7:00 - 8:30 PM
Doing the Next Right Thing
I have heard this phrase, “Doing the Next Right Thing,” repeated in the rooms of Al-Anon and other recovery groups. It goes hand in hand with the slogan, “First Things First.” When I first awake, my mind often grapples with all the things I “should” do. Living with active alcoholism further clouds my ability to make clean decisions on how to use my time. Sometimes I find myself catering to the alcoholic or being heavily impacted by their unstable behaviors.
I can get swept away in analysis, worry, or guilt before I even get out of bed! Focusing on doing the next right thing seems to calm my mind and kicks my brain into a gear with traction. I often find beginning the day with my Higher Power brings order and a renewed sense of direction.
It can be as simple as putting slippers on and taking the dog outside, or getting my caffeine brewing. Perhaps I have a bill coming due and I can jump online and pay it. Or check my upcoming “to do” list and determine what is most urgent.
“First things first” also encourages me to: “Keep it simple.” If I can keep my mind on the task at hand, it opens the door to “be” in the present moment. When I am engaging in household chores I often pop in earbuds and listen to recovery podcasts, crime stories, or the latest in medical science. I find this keeps me from attaching to perfectionism and the inner critic loses the mental space to fling accusations or ruminate.
Photo by Callie D
Just going outside, noticing wildlife and the new growth on plants, brings perspective. Feeling the sun on my skin or the wetness of raindrops grounds me in the tangible. Tossing the contents of the compost bin brings good feelings about giving back to the earth. The next right thing may be to take an impromptu walk or pet a neighbor’s dog.
I have found that it is important to have little pleasures to look forward to when the other tasks are done. At the end of a work day or adventurous weekend, I like to have a binge-worthy series tucked into the reward center of my brain. That way when I’m feeling stressed, worried, or otherwise losing my footing, I remember that one thing I have to look forward to at the end of the day. It helps to shrink whatever challenge might appear on the horizon, especially living directly with the wreckage of alcoholism.
Bedtime can also be fraught with doubts and regret. Tucking in with a good book and my little dog creates comfort. A muted nightlight chases away the enveloping darkness of fear.
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March 2024 AIS Council Meeting Minutes (Summary, not yet approved)
Seattle Al-Anon Information Service Council Minutes March 14, 2024 7:30-9:00 pm
Meeting opened at 7:30 pm by Dave M - Chair
In attendance: 17 attendees
Serenity Prayer
Introductions
Readings: Concept 3 - Linda H
Secretary Report: Kathy K Report of the February Minutes
February Council Meeting minutes accepted as presented, 2 Abstentions.
Chair Report: Dave M
AWSC Meeting Update:Both he and Solveig attended AWSC. The motion to allow AA members to serve above the group level in Al-Anon did not reach a substantial majority (66%) though there were significant members in favor. Linda H. noted that even if it had passed, it would have to go to WSO and would take years to implement. It has been brought up in the past and always voted down.
The motion to provide 3 interpreters at PreCon passed so it will be voted on at PreCon. There were 6 motions regarding support for hybrid Assemblies put forward for PreCon and were passed.
They are looking for PreCon volunteers for the meeting on April 5-6th. Dave will not be attending PreCon but Solveig and Helga are going and will report back. AIS does not have a vote at PreCon.
The WA Area Speaker Meeting frequency will be discussed at PreCon. The Washington Wandering paper subscription price has increased to $25.00. (See wa-al-anon.org) No location for the Fall Assembly or district to host has been decided but volunteers have stepped up and it will be hybrid.
Alateen training and AMIAS updates are very active with lots going on. The information is at the WA Area website. (wa-al-anon.org)
Fall Assembly elections will be held in Oct 2024 for the subsequent 3 years.
Treasurer’s Report: Gary H
Financial reports: Seattle AIS remains financially stable.
Vice Chair Report: Arden C - Absent
Coordinator Reports:
Phones: Heather R
Contact: phones@seattle-al-anon.org or can just call or text the AIS phone number 206-625-0000 to volunteer.
Volunteers: We have 15 trained volunteers, and of those 8 covered shifts in February. 2 volunteers requested refresher training on the zoom app. She has completed one and has another scheduled.
She has collaborated with Clif H Newsletter Editor on a new ad for phone volunteers for the March BITS.
Constanza asked for language that might help recruit volunteers as when she asks at meetings no one steps up to volunteer. It was noted how much we all needed information when we first came to Al-Anon and what a vital role phone volunteers fill.
LDC: Mary R and Linda H
We are well stocked with the new daily reader, A Little Time For Myself. They have a full staff of volunteers. The March open house sold $860 in literature. 44 people attended and there was great fellowship and cake. FOG AFG donated $489 in kind books. Karen L. attended the Burien Little Assembly and sold $216 in literature and $6 in donations.
Communications: MJ
This is her first month and she is still getting used to things. There have been many meeting changes, and the WA Area website is not always as up to date as AIS. She is learning about event flyers and is working with Shannon at Events and Linda W, the new Meeting Directory Editor. She does know that the WA Area Group Records Coordinator, Yvette, has been ill and is behind so that AIS has not been getting a lot of meeting changes though this will change as everything has to go through her before it comes to AIS.
Tech: Pierre J
He has received reports that emails were bouncing and has looked into the issue. He has changed the security settings and thinks it is solved. If members do send out an email from AIS email and it bounces back, please let him know. He is working on the domain renewal which will be due in 6/24 and will report to Council and Board. He is managing the distribution list and if Council members are not getting emails, please contact him at Tech@seattle-al-anon.org
Outreach: Solveig W
She has sent out 3 newcomer’s packets and we have been invited to a Meadowdale High School health fair in Edmonds on Saturday March 23. The target is teens, and she has another volunteer to talk about Al-Anon and Alateen. The website is working well, and she gets a form now instead of an email. There was an issue with the newcomer's page at the WA Area website but it has been addressed.
The Sound Transit train and bus campaign has ended. She is not sure of the effectiveness, but we are committed to another campaign this year and early 2025.
Old Business:
None
New Business:
Dave M is wondering if there are items on the new website that members are not aware of. He would think the BITS is an opportunity to publicize the new website. Linda W. asked how many people read the BITS? Clif noted that 800 emails go out monthly with links to the BITS. The BITS is on the website and there is a tab to sign up for automatic monthly email notifications.
Seventh tradition
https://www.seattle-al-anon.org/donationsforms
Next Council Meeting
Next meeting will be April 11, at 7:30 PM
Next Board Meeting
April 18, 2024, at 7:00 pm
Adjournment: Al-Anon Declaration
Meeting adjourned at: 8:53 pm
Respectfully submitted by:
Kathy K, Secretary
Thank you for your donations and your support of AIS!
Our funding now comes primarily from:
Donations by Members, Groups, and Districts
Literature Sales
Please send all AIS mail, including checks for literature orders and donations, to:
Seattle AIS
505 Broadway E #400
Seattle, WA 98102-5023
And More ...
MEETING SCHEDULE: Registered Al-Anon groups in the Greater Seattle Area. Hybrid, Concurrent, and in-person meetings are listed.
Please visit our Member Resources section for the most up-to-date information on:
List of AIS Officers and Coordinators
Where to Send Donations
District Representatives and Business Meeting Information
AIS Financial Information
Calendar of Events
Meeting News
News from the Meeting Directory Editor
Meeting changes were received since those reported in the March BITS.
• Sunday, 7:PM, Ballard Sunday Nite AFG, in person only (2/22)
• Sunday, 7:30 PM, Auburn Sunday Night AFG time changed from 7:30-9:00 to 7:00-8:30 (2/28)
• Thursday, 6:30 PM, Location changed to Admiral Congregational UCC (3/1)
• Monday, 7:00 PM, Parents for Serenity, Hybrid (3/20)
• Friday, 7:30 PM, Redmond Friday Night AFG, Zoom only 3/20)
• Wednesday 7:00-8:15PM, Easy Alateen Edmonds Meeting, Temporarily Closed. (3/28)
Seattle Al-Anon Information Service
Meeting Directory Editor